Trust Your Guidance - No One Can Define You Better Than You
Written By: Toni PNW
All Eyes On Me
The world is clear that it intends to shrink us.
"Don’t be so loud, don’t be so large, you aren’t welcome here, and everyone is looking at you!” Past traumas and fears often blend and blur in our minds.
We are denied joys that others are free to celebrate. Outfits that make us feel sexy are treated as cute attempts to play dress up, if they’re received well at all. Dance and exercise spaces only allow us under assumptions that we're desperately trying to rid ourselves of the body that has accompanied us our whole lives.
This frustration is inevitably felt, a near-constant presence in every space we exist, but it doesn't have to freeze us.
Self Doubt is Temporary. Revisit Your Intentions
Go at your own pace, celebrate your wins, and don’t let anyone force you down the path or hold you back when you’re progressing forward.
Create a caring environment around you so that you don’t have to experience difficult things alone. Things that scare us, done with a friend or a support person can change the outcome from hesitation and doubt to fun and empowerment.
We can’t be confident, resisting, body liberation warriors every single day, and on the days you just need to make it through, reconnecting with our intentions helps us know ourselves deeper and strengthen, or develop, our self trust.
Rest is normal; it’s not a weakness. You’re not “fake-confident” and you’re not an imposter when doubt shows up. Recognizing these thoughts as a voice that isn’t yours, but an echo from experiences past, can help remind us that the journey to body neutrality isn’t going to be a leap forward every time. We will fall back to rest, we may take tiny steps forward that no one but us can see, or feel like we are taking steps sideways and back. But we find our forward momentum again as we gain strength from our environment, connect with ourselves, create, reflect, and find comfort and respite in our rituals.
Intentions are about the progress, not the goal. Journal or reflect on these questions, or come up with your own:
- How can I treat myself like a friend, with understanding and care, when times are hard?
- When was the last time I recognized going through personal growth? What did it feel like?
- What past decisions am I most proud of myself for making? How did it feel to have a positive outcome when trusting myself?
Defining Our Reflection
A mirror can be something of conflict - on one side, we are pressured to see only what stands out. Focusing on what to shrink, remove, and change to experience better treatment in society.
On the other side, a reflection of every person we’ve been, truth in who we are growing to be, and the real knowledge of our lived experiences.
When we see ourselves beyond what society and companies expect us to, we forge a connection with ourselves at the core. The ability to be vulnerable and visible with ourselves establishes trust and allows us to reflect with curiosity. Where did you learn your core truths? Which phase of your life taught you these things? What are you teaching yourself right now?
Pushes toward inclusion and access through advocacy works alongside our personal efforts to know and trust ourselves and our own stories. Exploring what we've held on to from past versions of ourselves, and what we’ve let go in order to grow, helps us start working on what we will pass down to our future selves. Are we building something that will aid their journey or something that they’ll have to heal and release?
You Belong Anywhere You Want To Be
Trusting ourselves means forging a friendship with ourselves. Our intuition is a light - not a candle easily snuffed out, but persistent sunlight that always returns, even when we feel that it's dark right now.
Self trust is grown over time. Be kind and empathetic to yourself when you make mistakes. Remind yourself often of inherent truths and build on them: I don’t need to change to be worthy of joy. I am worth taking up space here. I define beauty, and this is where I see it in myself. I am friends with myself; how would I respond to a friend if they told me they were feeling this way? Acknowledge the realness of pain and doubt when it visits. Working on self-trust in the good times and learning about ourselves and our needs in the hard times will become a foundation of assurance you can rely on and return to.
About Toni PNW:
Toni is a tattoo artist and fat liberation activist in Portland, Oregon. Her artwork centers and celebrates fat bodies, and through art and education she is dedicated to promoting size inclusion in the tattoo industry and beyond.
You can connect with Toni PNW on social media at @tonipnw . She also shares all her education content on the instagram page @heavryspace and at Heavryspace.com
